How much of a people pleaser am I expected to be?

The closer it gets to Mother’s Day, the more I miss my Mom. And the more annoyed I get with the rest of the world. Every other commercial on TV is about the “perfect” gift you need to get your Mom for Mother’s Day or about the card that will reduce her to tears and she will finally know the love you have for her. Last year I took Mother’s Day for granted. I thought I had a million more years of stressing over the “perfect” gift and card to give my Mom. Last year I got her a necklace that is shaped like an “S” with two yellow stones. Her name was Sue and yellow was her favorite color. Now that necklace is mine. Had I known that 6 months after that Mother’s Day I would be burrying my Mom, would have I gotten her a better gift? Would I have spent more money or put more thought into it? I don’t know.

I am a mother so I should want to celebrate Mother’s Day, right? I should want to sit on a lily pad and be worshipped while my kids bestow homemade gifts upon me and my husband makes breakfast for me. I should want to go to church and listen to 3 hours worth of talks about how wonderful mothers are and I should want to receive my crappy little flower at the end. Shouldn’t I? Well I don’t. I want to forget that Mother’s Day exists. I think Hallmark made it up anyway. I want to stay in bed all day and cry. I want to go to my mother’s grave and see if her headstone is put up yet. Although I’m not sure if I can handle seeing her name engraved in stone with two dates after it. I want to just get through the day and survive it.

The only thing is, I feel like others are expecting me to celebrate with them in a certain way. I have a wonderful mother-in-law, the best in the world as far as I am concerned, and I want to express to her and share with her all the love and appreciation I have for her. I’m just not sure I can do it on Mother’s Day. I’m sure there will be a family dinner and my father-in-law will cook dinner the one time he’s expected to all year. So do I give in to my own selfish need to grieve or do I perform my daughterly-in-law duties and show up? Or do I spend time with my own family? I’m betting that it will be a difficult day for my Dad, but I also feel like he never wants me around and my presence in his home is a nuisance. I don’t want to intrude upon his grief and I also don’t want to go somewhere where I’m not wanted.

I’m sure I’m not the only child in the world who has lost a parent that dreads the 2nd Sunday in May and June. So this year I’m not going to do what’s expected of me. I’m going to grieve/celebrate in my own way. And if that means not accepting a stupid little flower or going to any family parties, so be it.


2 thoughts on “How much of a people pleaser am I expected to be?

  1. Riss, I love you. You can do anything you want to do. You are not expected to be a people pleaser. Just grieve, however the heck you want.Mom did not need presents to know that you love her. She knew then and she knows now.FYI, I don’t expect you to do anything. I have been asking if you want company, that’s all.MJ also knows you love her and you don’t have to eat L’s food to prove it.Please remember that I love you. It’s okay not to go to church!!!Love, your sissie

  2. Riss I love you too.I’m glad you did your thing. Nothing much happend at Mom’s house anyway- infact, Me, Scotty, Shelly and Wyatt were the only ones there for most of the afternoon! My Mom was still really happy though, she didn’t mind- I know she understood, she loves you!I want to start referring to my Mom and Dad as “MJ” and “L” like Amanda did. Cool.

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