I am a mother so I should want to celebrate Mother’s Day, right? I should want to sit on a lily pad and be worshipped while my kids bestow homemade gifts upon me and my husband makes breakfast for me. I should want to go to church and listen to 3 hours worth of talks about how wonderful mothers are and I should want to receive my crappy little flower at the end. Shouldn’t I? Well I don’t. I want to forget that Mother’s Day exists. I think Hallmark made it up anyway. I want to stay in bed all day and cry. I want to go to my mother’s grave and see if her headstone is put up yet. Although I’m not sure if I can handle seeing her name engraved in stone with two dates after it. I want to just get through the day and survive it.
The only thing is, I feel like others are expecting me to celebrate with them in a certain way. I have a wonderful mother-in-law, the best in the world as far as I am concerned, and I want to express to her and share with her all the love and appreciation I have for her. I’m just not sure I can do it on Mother’s Day. I’m sure there will be a family dinner and my father-in-law will cook dinner the one time he’s expected to all year. So do I give in to my own selfish need to grieve or do I perform my daughterly-in-law duties and show up? Or do I spend time with my own family? I’m betting that it will be a difficult day for my Dad, but I also feel like he never wants me around and my presence in his home is a nuisance. I don’t want to intrude upon his grief and I also don’t want to go somewhere where I’m not wanted.
I’m sure I’m not the only child in the world who has lost a parent that dreads the 2nd Sunday in May and June. So this year I’m not going to do what’s expected of me. I’m going to grieve/celebrate in my own way. And if that means not accepting a stupid little flower or going to any family parties, so be it.