I regularly blog, not because I think anyone reads anything I have to say or cares what I have to say, but because it is a place where I can get things off my chest and move on. A lot of things have stopped bothering me once I put them out into space (in this case, cyberspace) and I find it helpful. It’s kind of like journaling only other people can read it and make comments on what you write.
So what do I have to say tonight? I am very politically passionate and active in my community. Me and some of my friends formed a Young Democrats Club in our high school admist our fellow students tearing down our signs and probably using them as toilet paper. We would never do that to their signs, but they felt they had the right to do that to ours because they had been taught that they were better than us. And by us I mean us non-children of Conservative Republicans.
I remember knowing from an early age I was different from my peers. My Dad says I’ve always had a strong sense of what was right and what was wrong and acted upon it. I didn’t care if I was the most unpopular kid in school, I befriended all the other outcasts because they were nicer people than the other kids. We would never put them down, but they felt like they could tease, taunt, and torment us because they had been taught they were better than us. And by us I mean us non-rich-spoiled-brat-get-designer-clothing-for-kindergarten kids.
As long as I live in Utah, I will be different from everyone else. I cry for the little girl (me) who sat in Primary and was told that her family wasn’t as good as everyone else’s family because my parents weren’t married in the temple. No one thought to embrace my sister, brother, and I as we sat alone each week in Sacrament meeting without our parents. No one cared to point out our courage. Sometimes I’m amazed I can look past all that and still show up to a church every Sunday where the members of my early childhood always made me feel less than. It’s probably because I believe the church is true even though the members aren’t. And because the ward I live in now is the most non-judgemental, all-embracing ward I’ve ever experienced.
I will also always be different because I’m a liberal. In Utah that’s a swear word. It stirs up hatred in so-called Christian people. All I can say is, Jesus rode a donkey, not an elephant. I am a liberal because of my faith in Jesus. To quote a Primary song, “Jesus said love everyone, treat them kindly too.” I can’t reconcile what Jesus taught with what the Republican party stands for. Tell me how demonizing people for their economic status and sexuality is loving them and treating them kindly?
I was the lone voice in most of my classes my senior year calling East High School’s ban on a Gay/Straight Alliance club as prejudicial and wrong. I even heard one idiot say that if we had a club like that in our school, it would make other people gay. Puh-leeze, you’re either gay or you’re not and no club is going to make you gay. That’s like saying I’m going to start a club that’s going to turn your eyes blue.
Anyway, this is what I’m thinking tonight. I’m always going to be different. I’ve always been rejected by my peers because I’m different. Do I care? Sometimes. You can hate me because my political values or religious values don’t match yours or the culture (Utah) in which we live. You can feel like you have the right to demean me, tear down my posters, scratch bumpers stickers off my car, call me names, etc. all you want. Because we all know you’re the better person, right?