When I started blogging about 2 years ago I never expected anyone to read what I wrote. I don’t write so that people will read it, I write so that I can get out all of the stuff that jumbles up my mind. About a year ago, I started getting comments on my blog and it was great. Great to see that people actually care enough about what I write to actually read it. Now those comments have dwindled and I have struggled with thinking that what I write holds no importance for anyone.
Should I go back to writing just for myself? That sounds like a good idea.
I don’t know why I torture myself by watching Oprah. On Monday’s episode (4/06) she had on a bunch of Mom’s talking about their experiences with motherhood. Most of it was pretty funny, especially when that Mom from Florida admitted to peeing in a diaper on a very long drive rather than stopping at a rest stop and waking up her kids. We’ve all been there. My motto is let sleeping kids lie.
However, I took issue with some of the Mom’s whining and complaining about how hard stay-at-home-motherhood is. Here was a bunch of upper middle class, mostly Caucasian women whining because they had to sacrifice so much in order to be a Mom. One mother couldn’t <*gasp*> be there for her best friend when she broke up with her boyfriend because she was taking care of her baby. Not that! How awful it must have been for her to take care of a helpless infant instead of comforting a grown woman who can take care of herself!!! Another woman complained because she is tired of cleaning up liquids (i.e. pee, poop, throw-up). Yeah it sucks, but that’s what you signed up for when you decided to become a mother. And what about the lady who says that she loves her children but not motherhood? They go hand in effing hand, you twit. And don’t get me started on the actress, Cheryl Hines, that appeared on the show who only has ONE child and a FULL-TIME NANNY complaining about how hard it is to go on a date with her husband. Cry me a river, Cheryl. Seriously.
What I want to know, Oprah, where is all those women who don’t have the luxury of staying at home with their children? Why don’t you talk about the women who have to work 2 or 3 jobs just to make ends meet for their children and aren’t even with them enough to complain about how hard it is to be with them? Five years ago we had 30 million people in the United States who were working full time jobs but were still living in poverty. I can’t imagine what that number is even like now with the economy the way it is now. I bet those mothers would trade places with those pampered whiners in a second. I bet they would like not having to work 80 hours a week just so they can put food on the table and second-hand clothing on their children’s backs.
I sat there thinking, watching these women, about all of my adoptive clients. I tried to imagine how those women felt while watching Oprah as they struggle with the horrible reality of infertility. For someone who can’t have children of their own, complaining about how hard motherhood is is just a big slap in the face. One of my friends, who struggled with infertility, told me that she would endure the most horrible morning sickness, she would gain all the weight in the world, she would have her body covered in stretch marks, she would endure 100 hours of labor, if it just meant that she could get pregnant and be a mother.
Or how about those mothers who have special needs children and have sacrificed their lives taking care of them? How do you think they would feel about women with perfectly healthy and able children complaining about how hard motherhood is?
Is motherhood hard? Hell yes it is! I have three children of my own. There are days I feel defeated, empty, like a failure. It is the hardest job I have ever had. I’ve always either worked or gone to school full-time since my oldest child was born. It hasn’t been easy. My daughter has a learning disability, and this has been a real trial for my husband and I. But we get through it and have done everything we can to help her. Some days I hate being a mother. But I would never get on a national TV show and whine my butt off about it. I would never sit in my million dollar home and complain about being a stay-at-home mother because that means I have given up getting mani-pedis every day because I actually have to pick up my kids from school, do homework with them, and like, pay attention to them and stuff. Ridiculous.
The days I love being a mother far outweigh the days I feel like I’m not good enough for the task. When my two older children tell me they love me, when my baby snuggles his head into my shoulder, when my children laugh, when my children succeed at something, when my baby falls asleep in my arms because he loves and trusts me, when I feel like I have given my whole heart to my children, those are the times that I’m thankful to be a mother. I’m not perfect. I’ve made MANY mistakes. But I will never take my fertility for granted. I will never take the chance that God gave me to be a mother for granted. I will NEVER complain that I had to give up something in order to be a mother. Because what I get in return far outweighs anything I was doing with my life before I became a Mom.
As I write this, I’m watching my 7 year old daughter play on the floor with her baby brother. She is making him giggle and smile. They love each other so much. It is moments like this that I wonder why God blessed me with this beautiful gift. The chance to be a mother. It sucks some days, but I will never take it for granted.