I’m feeling a little down tonight. I don’t know why. I have so many things to be grateful for. My loving/loyal/committed husband, my three beautiful children, the roof over my head, the food in my kitchen, our collective employment, and family and friends who love me in spite of myself.

So why am I down? Why am I feeling a little ho hum? Without going into too many details, I’m trying to “get over” something right now and I’m trying to live my life accepting something that has never been and never will be. I wish I could go into details, but that really wouldn’t be fair.
I’m just tired of having my heart broken, I’m tired of being ignored, and I’m tired of not being loved in the way I need to be loved. I’ll never understand why I was never good enough for that love. Or maybe that person was never good enough to love me. I once heard this story that back in Old Testament times, if you killed someone, you were sentenced to drag that person around on your back the rest of your life. This would eventually kill you. Well, I’m tired of dragging this burden and I have decided to lay it down.
Yes, lay it down.
I’m done. Things will never change. I have to lay this down before it kills me. I refuse to let this interfere with my happiness any more. I choose to be happy and I’m sorry that you will never be apart of it.
*This post is not about my husband. Just thought I’d FYI ya.

2 thoughts on “Ruminations

  1. I'm sorry, Riss. I think it's wise to lay it down, but I think that you are worthy of that love & so much more. I think there is much we'll understand later that can't be clear to us now. I love you & your mom loved you & you have many people in your life who love you. This person will learn what he missed some time, maybe too late, but he will know.

  2. Yes. You do deserve the best. Sometimes its hard as a woman to reconcile what you know you deserve and what you are willing to sacrifice. I have a feeling that women sacrifice a lot in order to make other people around them happy. But occasionally, you need to take whats rightfully yours. (hopefully this applies to your scenario)

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