Crying is healthy

So, I have to get something off my chest. Which is what this blog is really all about. Letting me vent and express my feelings in a safe environment, while also getting it out to the greater world, that I AM ANNOYED!!!

Last Friday I attended my good friend Jeneane’s funeral. I wrote about her a couple of posts ago. She was a dear dear friend and died way too early. She was only 38 and she left behind two young teenage sons. It’s incredibly sad, no matter how you look at it. It’s also incredibly sad for me because she was just an awesome person. She always made me laugh, put a smile on my face, and treated me like I was her best friend. The world truly did lose a gift.
So this is what bugs me. Her wonderful mother, who took care of Jeneane the whole time she was sick, got up to give her eulogy and basically told the congregation that this was a celebration of Jeneane’s life and not an occasion to mourn her death. I respectfully disagree. There is plenty of time to look back on my time with Jeneane and laugh and thank my Heavenly Father that he put someone as wonderful as she in my life. But right now, I need to cry. I am sad. My heart is broken. I love Jeneane. I am devastated at the loss she has left. Yes, I have the faith that I will see my dear friend again. But for this life, I never will, and for that I mourn. Please don’t tell me I’m not allowed to cry and today should be a party. Today is no party for me. Today I say goodbye to my friend.
With all this happening, and Mother’s Day on top of it to boot to remind yet again, that yes, my mother is dead, I’m really tired of people thinking that being sad and crying is unhealthy. That we must always look at the positive and not one negative emotion should ever enter our bodies. This is wrong. Being a student of the social sciences, I know the stages of grief and you will never get through them and come to the acceptance stage without first being SAD. Sad is okay. I promise. It’s okay to be sad and let your heart break. It means you’re human.
So I just want to say, that although I think it’s wonderful to want to celebrate Jeneane’s and anyone else’s life who has died, I’M ALLOWED TO BE SAD. I’m allowed to cry. If I don’t, I’ll go on denying my feelings forever and never really come to grips with my friend’s death. There is no way to reach the acceptance stage without first allowing yourself to walk through the other stages. Shock, denial, bargaining, depression/sadness, and then finally acceptance. I don’t understand our culture’s fear of allowing ourselves to feel sadness. It won’t last forever. And someday I’ll be able to look back on my time with Jeneane and laugh. Or feel happy that I had a friend who would call me out of the blue to see how I was doing when my Mom was sick. I’ve finally reached the stage where I can think of something funny my Mom said or did and laugh. It’s taken me a long time, but I’m getting there. And I had to walk through sadness first. It’s normal. It’s healthy. And dammit, it’s allowed!

2 thoughts on “Crying is healthy

  1. That really is the worst. When you are having a really bad time or a really hard time and really all you want to do is wallow in your own sorrow, because that is all that feels right. Then you have someone come along and try to get you to stop feeling sorry for yourself and buck up and get over it and be chipper and positive and move on. NO! I’m sad. Very freaking sad. I don’t need anyone to tell me what to do. I need someone to sit there and listen, rub my back, hug me, cry with me, feel actual empathy for the situation and how terrible things really are. So I’m glad you vented in this post. Because the fact of the matter is, its your life and you are sad. Its something that you are living for reals right now. You have every right to feel your true feelings.

  2. I love this post Riss! You are totally right. There are times when I just want to cry in my room forever and eat ice cream but there is always someone telling me “Don’t cry, its ok, not a huge deal, you’ll get over it, smile.” I don’t want to smile right now. I want to cry so hard my chin qwivers uncontrolably and I can’t breathe. It feels good, and it needs to be done sometimes. I love you, and cry as much and as long as you want baby girl!

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