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Powerful Lessons

I shared this comment on my most powerful lesson I’ve ever learned on another blog, but I thought it would be good to share here.


One of the most powerful lessons I have ever learned is that I can only control myself. It doesn’t matter how much I scream, yell, beg, demand, whatever, I can only control myself and how I react to situations.
Seriously, this knowledge has brought me a profound sense of peace. I cannot change or control another person, I can only control or change myself. This gives me the permission I need to stop being a victim and instead be powerfully engaged in my own life. This also gives me the insight to see how I am contributing to a problem instead of laying blame at the feet of everyone else.
How I gained this knowledge is really quite silly. My kids used to go to an elementary school where I had to pick them up each day. Sure, they could have walked to school, but they would have had to cross a very busy street with a less than competent crossing guard. And they lived too close to ride the bus. Anyway, the parking lot was really small and the parents who picked up their kids there were so rude. I tried to always be patient and considerate while others did not. They would pull into the pass through lane and then bud ahead of everyone in line to pick their kids up first. After watching a teacher let 5 or 6 cars do this one day, I got out of my car and yelled at the teacher for not sending those parents to the back of the line. Parents would also park in the pick-up lane and get out and get their kids, leaving their car as an impediment to the progress of the pick-up lane. After two years of enduring this and becoming increasingly pissed off every day and being in a bad mood for my kids, I suddenly realized that all my complaining, all my bad moods, all my yelling at teachers changed nothing. Those inconsiderate parents were still inconsiderate. So I changed my behavior. I timed it just right so that I left my house every day so I would be the last parent to pick my kids up. I never had to deal with a long line, inconsiderate parents, or waiting ever again. Now, I’m so glad we live in an area where it’s close enough for my kids to walk without crossing any busy streets.
You have to be a healthy, happy, joyful, whole person whether or not situations or other people ever change.

New Beginnings

In some Native American tribes they burn sage when moving into a new location to rid that location of evil spirits. I’ve decided to burn some sage on my blog.

I am moving forward and forgetting the negativity of the past. I’m not going to dwell on it. I feel like I’ve learned a lifetime of lessons in the last two weeks and I need to process them all.
Negative comments will not be published on this blog. This is a place for positivity, healing, and therapy for me. I have no desire to engage in any fighting, attacking, or arguing. I’m going to live in a positive space. Thank you to Emily for our good talk the other night about changing your environment by choosing what you engage in.
So to start things off on a new foot I am going to highlight one of my favorite quotes. It is from Helen Keller. I became fascinated with her story as a child because of the Value Tale about her. If ever there was someone who overcame adversity to have a positive affect on the world it was her.
“No pessimist ever discovered the secret of the stars, or sailed to an uncharted land, or opened a new doorway for the human spirit.” –Helen Keller

Deep Love

“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.”
― Laozi


Recently my cousin posted this quote on Facebook. I had an immediate, visceral reaction to it.

It made me think of all the people who love me deeply. Most notable to me when reading the quote was my mother. No matter what, she always had unending faith in me. She loved all her children deeply. She still loves us deeply. I still feel her love, even across the eternal expanse that is heaven. I feel her love surround me every day. There have been many times of sorrow for me in the last three years since her passing that I have felt her arms wrap around me and comfort me. Her deep love for me gives me strength. Her deep love for me has given me the strength to press forward in her absence knowing full well that we will be reunited again. I have also felt her love in the happy times. When we found out on her birthday the sex of our youngest and knew in that moment he was going to be her namesake. When I took out her endowments. I have never felt so much love radiate through my body before. When my brother and his wife were married. I felt her deep love and joy for all of us. This gives me the strength to live each day.

I also thought of my husband and his deep love for me. He loves me despite all of my faults and neuroses. Knowing I have a man like Casey to come home to every day or to come home to me at the end of each day and the unconditional love I find in his arms gives me strength to live my truth every day. For whatever reason, he is my greatest champion and the person who believes in me the most. His deep love for me, his forgiveness of me for my short-comings, his patience with my personal growth, all give me the strength to go out each day and face this scary world.

The second part of the quote made me think of my children. My love for my children is a kind of love I have never experienced before. It is instinctual, it is guttural, it is primal. Within an hour of my oldest child’s birth I knew I would fight to the death for her. I knew that I had it inside of me to kill anyone who would harm her. I almost died giving birth to my second child, and if it had come down to it, I would have gladly given my life for his. He was premature and was hospitalized at 6 weeks old for RSV. I spent every waking and sleeping moment by his side, willing his little body to heal. It was one of the worst weeks of my life. Now that little boy is 7 years old and strong and strapping and I can hardly remember that tiny sick baby with the IV in his head, oxygen in his nose, and various electrodes all over his body. My last little miracle is my saving grace. If I hadn’t been pregnant with him when my Mom was sick and then died, I don’t know how I would have coped. My love for him gave me the courage to keep going when all I wanted to do was give up. He brought me joy in the deepest sorrow of my life. He gave me something to look forward to when I thought I’d never feel happiness again. Knowing this tender little Spirit was being sent down from my mother above gave me the courage to get out of bed every morning.

My children give me the courage to face the world. I have to for them. My daughter has battled with some issues and there isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for her. My deep love for her gives me the courage to do hard things. My love for my children gave me the courage to go back to school and make my life better for them. My love for them gives me courage to live an authentic life for me. I see who I want to be in my childrens’ eyes.

Also my deep love for my husband gives me courage. He makes me want to be a better person. He makes me want to be a nicer person. My deep love for him is unabashed. He is the most decent man I have ever known. He knows that I adore every inch of his body and soul. He is my bestest friend. He gives me the courage to be assertive and speak my mind. He loves that I can’t keep my mouth shut. My deep love for him gives me the courage to have the faith that our love will see us through any trial. It already has seen us through many.

May we all find that deep love within us and the deep love that others have for us to find the courage and strength to live our truth and most authentic, best lives.

Some perspective


Sources for tax breaks

Row 1: Figure represents half of the estimated $23 billion cost of weakening the estate tax for 2011 and 2012. See: Gillian Brunet and Chuck Marr, “Unpacking the Tax Cut-Unemployment Compromise,” Center on Budget and Policy Priorities, December 10, 2010, available at http://www.cbpp.org/cms/index.cfm?fa=view&id=3342.
Row 2: Figure represents 1 percent of the fiscal year 2011 tax expenditure estimate for the mortgage interest deduction, over 10 years. The vacation home deduction accounts for at least one percent of the tax expenditure cost. See: Office of Management and Budget, Analytical Perspectives, Budget of the United States Government, Fiscal Year 2012 (Executive Office of the President, 2011), table 17-1; Congressional Budget Office, “Budget Options” (2000), REV-02.
Row 3 (now re: estate planning): General Explanations of the Administration’s Fiscal Year 2012 Revenue Proposals (Department of Treasury, 2011).
Row 4 (now re: itemized deduction limit): General Explanations of the Administration’s Fiscal Year 2011 Revenue Proposals (Department of Treasury, 2010).
Row 5: Joint Committee on Taxation, Estimated Budget Effects of the “Tax Relief, Unemployment Insurance Reauthorization, and Job Creation Act of 2010,” JCX-54-10, December 10, 2010 (subpart F active financing exception).
Row 6: General Explanations of the Administration’s Fiscal Year 2012 Revenue Proposals (Department of Treasury, 2011).
Row 7: Joint Committee on Taxation, Estimated Budget Effects of the “Tax Relief, Unemployment Insurance Reauthorization, and Job Creation Act of 2010,” JCX-54-10, December 10, 2010 (half of total cost of two-year extension).
Row 8: General Explanations of the Administration’s Fiscal Year 2012 Revenue Proposals (Department of Treasury, 2011).
Row 9: General Explanations of the Administration’s Fiscal Year 2012 Revenue Proposals (Department of Treasury, 2011) (10-year cost).
Row 10: Office of Management and Budget, Analytical Perspectives, Budget of the United States Government, Fiscal Year 2012, (Executive Office of the President, 2011), table 17-1 (expensing of multiperiod timber growing costs and capital gains treatment of certain timber income).
Row 11: Joint Committee on Taxation, Estimated Budget Effects of the “Tax Relief, Unemployment Insurance Reauthorization, and Job Creation Act of 2010,” JCX-54-10, December 10, 2010 (half of total cost of recent two-year extension).

(Information courtesy of Center for American Progress)

What happened to My America?

I thought we lived in a Democracy. Not an oligarchy. I thought Governor’s were supposed to govern. Not to be a tyrant.


Just sayin’

“We must close union offices, confiscate their money, and put their leaders in prison. We must reduce workers’ salaries and take away their right to strike.” — Adolf Hitler, May 2, 1933

“These are the values inspiring those brave workers in Poland.They remind us that where free unions and collective bargaining are forbidden, freedom is lost.” — Pres. Ronald Reagan, Labor Day Address, 1980


What say ye now, tea baggers?