Deep Love

“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.”
― Laozi


Recently my cousin posted this quote on Facebook. I had an immediate, visceral reaction to it.

It made me think of all the people who love me deeply. Most notable to me when reading the quote was my mother. No matter what, she always had unending faith in me. She loved all her children deeply. She still loves us deeply. I still feel her love, even across the eternal expanse that is heaven. I feel her love surround me every day. There have been many times of sorrow for me in the last three years since her passing that I have felt her arms wrap around me and comfort me. Her deep love for me gives me strength. Her deep love for me has given me the strength to press forward in her absence knowing full well that we will be reunited again. I have also felt her love in the happy times. When we found out on her birthday the sex of our youngest and knew in that moment he was going to be her namesake. When I took out her endowments. I have never felt so much love radiate through my body before. When my brother and his wife were married. I felt her deep love and joy for all of us. This gives me the strength to live each day.

I also thought of my husband and his deep love for me. He loves me despite all of my faults and neuroses. Knowing I have a man like Casey to come home to every day or to come home to me at the end of each day and the unconditional love I find in his arms gives me strength to live my truth every day. For whatever reason, he is my greatest champion and the person who believes in me the most. His deep love for me, his forgiveness of me for my short-comings, his patience with my personal growth, all give me the strength to go out each day and face this scary world.

The second part of the quote made me think of my children. My love for my children is a kind of love I have never experienced before. It is instinctual, it is guttural, it is primal. Within an hour of my oldest child’s birth I knew I would fight to the death for her. I knew that I had it inside of me to kill anyone who would harm her. I almost died giving birth to my second child, and if it had come down to it, I would have gladly given my life for his. He was premature and was hospitalized at 6 weeks old for RSV. I spent every waking and sleeping moment by his side, willing his little body to heal. It was one of the worst weeks of my life. Now that little boy is 7 years old and strong and strapping and I can hardly remember that tiny sick baby with the IV in his head, oxygen in his nose, and various electrodes all over his body. My last little miracle is my saving grace. If I hadn’t been pregnant with him when my Mom was sick and then died, I don’t know how I would have coped. My love for him gave me the courage to keep going when all I wanted to do was give up. He brought me joy in the deepest sorrow of my life. He gave me something to look forward to when I thought I’d never feel happiness again. Knowing this tender little Spirit was being sent down from my mother above gave me the courage to get out of bed every morning.

My children give me the courage to face the world. I have to for them. My daughter has battled with some issues and there isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for her. My deep love for her gives me the courage to do hard things. My love for my children gave me the courage to go back to school and make my life better for them. My love for them gives me courage to live an authentic life for me. I see who I want to be in my childrens’ eyes.

Also my deep love for my husband gives me courage. He makes me want to be a better person. He makes me want to be a nicer person. My deep love for him is unabashed. He is the most decent man I have ever known. He knows that I adore every inch of his body and soul. He is my bestest friend. He gives me the courage to be assertive and speak my mind. He loves that I can’t keep my mouth shut. My deep love for him gives me the courage to have the faith that our love will see us through any trial. It already has seen us through many.

May we all find that deep love within us and the deep love that others have for us to find the courage and strength to live our truth and most authentic, best lives.
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