At 1:47 a.m. this morning my oldest child, and only daughter, turned 10 years old. Wow, 10 years. A decade of being a mother to this beautiful girl.
When she was born a switch was turned on inside of me. It is the switch that would make me give my own life for hers. Which would allow me to protect her at all costs. The switch that made realize what unconditional love actually is. I never knew a love so deep and so fierce at the same time.
She has brought something to my life that it is hard to put into words. I had to grow up in the instant I realized she was growing inside me. I became second best in my life. There is something about motherhood that should make you drop most of your own selfishness and self-importance. There isn’t anything glamorous about getting pooped on while changing a diaper at 3:00 in the morning. From the second she was born her health became more important to me than my own. Her well-being more important to me than my own. Her happiness more important than my own.
When my daughter was born, a hole was filled in my heart that I didn’t even know was there. A part of my heart was more complete. And it has become even more complete with the birth of each one of her brothers. Which is funny, because with the birth of each of my children, I felt a piece of my heart leave that will forever walk around outside of my body in each of them.
Now that my daughter is getting older, I mourn the baby she once was. However, I love the relationship we are settling into right now. The one were we can have “girl time” and get pedicures together and she opens up to me about her friendships and the boys she has crushes on. I hope I’ve laid a good enough foundation of friendship, trust, and mothering with her that we will continue to have a good relationship when she is a teenager.
If there is any legacy I could leave my daughter, it would be love. Love is stronger than any tidal wave, more courageous than any super hero, and more powerful than any other force on earth. When I’m gone I want her to remember how much I love her so that she can carry that with her the rest of her life and never doubt it. I want her to give her own love generously and use it to help those around her. I don’t want her to ever doubt the she is a beloved child of God and her parents.
Happy Birthday, my sweet baby girl. The day you came into my life was the happiest I’ve ever known. Thank you for blessing my life with yours.