Batman and Robin
This movie should have been called Batman and guano. It truly pains me to say anything bad about the acting of George Clooney or Chris O’Donnell. I had very prominent crushes on both of them at different times of my life. (George during his Sisters run and Chris during his Fried Green Tomatoes days). So how can two very good actors get together and make a movie that is filled to the brim of ultimate guano? It’s because they let Arnold Schwarzenegger in on the gig. Arrrrnold was able to take some time out of making babies with nannies to make a laughing stock out of the entire Batman movie franchise. (Thank you Christopher Nolan for reviving this series in a new way so that I could actually look the caped crusader in the eye again). George should have stayed on the set of ER taking the pulse of grateful women every where and Chris should have stuck to making period pieces and sappy love stories with Drew Barrymore, ‘cause I’m pretty sure this was the movie that rang the death knell on his acting career. At least until LL Cool J came along.
But I digress. Really people, you expect me to believe that Schwarzenegger is a scientist of any kind? It was hard enough buying him as a Kindergarten cop. He was more convincing as a pregnant man than as a scientist. And after watching Uma Thurman’s performance as Poison Ivy, I had nightmares for months about being eaten by a giant Venus Fly Trap plant. I’m not delving too much into the plot of this movie because there wasn’t one. It’s typical Gotham, bad guys are doing bad things, and Batman hops into his Batmobile to stop them. Robin joins him because every super hero needs a homoerotic side kick. Even Batgirl Alicia Silverstone joins them, but I’m pretty sure she did more pouting and acting all rebellious than actually fighting any of the bad guys. My Dad took my brother and me to this movie in the theaters in 1997 and when we got home, he grounded us both. This movie represents 125 minutes of my life I can never get back.
You should all be ashamed of yourselves