Bad Movie Review – The Animal

The Animal

All I should have to say is Rob Schneider and you will know that this movie is a big pile of dog doo.  And in my defense the only reason why I watched it is because the hubs works with someone who was in the movie and he was curious.  Curiosity killed this cat.  Rob Schneider plays an idiot, like he does in all his movies, named Marvin.  At least we’re spared from him shouting, “you can do it!” twenty times at Adam Sandler during this movie. 
And that’s the only good thing I have to say about it.  So anyway, Marvin, the idiot, is a schlup who wants to be a cop.  And after some weird accident, a mad-scientist in a creepy little cabin in the woods (because that’s where all mad scientists must perform their trans-species experiments.  It’s in the Mad Scientist rule book. Look it up), rebuilds Marvin’s body with animal parts.  Suddenly Marvin is imbued with animal strength and becomes some sort of super-cop and town hero.  Because I always like a cop who gets an old lady’s handbag back from a thief and immediately urinates on a fire hydrant in celebration.  And of course Rob has to have a lady love.  And this lady love is played by Colleen Haskell, fresh off her star-making turn in the first season ever of “Survivor.”  Rob, in his new role as super cop, has to save the town from some sort of mysterious monster (and don’t forget the weirdo in the woods experimenting on animal-human hybrids), and I don’t want to ruin the ending of this cinematic classic for you, but Colleen’s character is made from animal parts too.  She and Marvin go running off into the sunset together (really fast since they have Cheetah strength  now) and live happily ever after urinating on fire hydrants and storing nuts for winter.  And after this movie was over I had to scrub my brain for three hours with smart pills.  
Time to reconsider your career when a monkey can do it better than you

2 thoughts on “Bad Movie Review – The Animal

  1. Hahaha Risa. You are quite funny. I never would've even considered watching this, but now I almost (almost) want to, just to hear your review in my head the whole time.

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