Are you being Abused?

This article showed up in my Facebook thread posted by one of the many organizations I have “liked” on Facebook.  I thought it was interesting and thought provoking.   I think a lot of us believe that there is only abuse when violence is involved, but abuse goes so much deeper.  It’s about control.

Here is a list of possible signs of abuse:

  • Monitors what you’re doing all the time
  • Unfairly accuses you of being unfaithful all the time
  • Prevents or discourages you from seeing friends or family
  • Prevents or discourages you from going to work or school
  • Gets very angry during and after drinking alcohol or using drugs
  • Controls how you spend your money
  • Controls your use of needed medicines
  • Decides things for you that you should be allowed to decide (like what to wear or eat)
  • Humiliates you in front of others
  • Destroys your property or things that you care about
  • Threatens to hurt you, the children, or pets
  • Hurts you (by hitting, beating, pushing, shoving, punching, slapping, kicking, or biting)
  • Uses (or threatens to use) a weapon against you
  • Forces you to have sex against your will
  • Controls your birth control or insists that you get pregnant
  • Blames you for his or her violent outbursts
  • Threatens to harm himself or herself when upset with you
  • Says things like, “If I can’t have you then no one can.”

There is a lot more important information on this website.  I would encourage anyone who feels like they may be being abused, or know someone who may be being abused, to read it.

Edited on 1/8/2013 to add:

I’m a big fan of the early seasons of MTV’s “The Real World,” back when the show was filled with intelligent people who had interesting things to say, talents to share, and ambitions beyond getting drunk and hooking up.  On the first season the oldest castmate was Kevin Powell, a teacher/poet/activist.  A couple of years ago on an episode of Oprah he shared that in the past he had been abusive and violent toward women and now through therapy he has changed his ways and has since gone on to educate others.  On Oprah’s website there was a list of other red flags of abusive behaviors to watch out for.

  1. He/she pushes too far, too fast, planning your future together right away.
  2. He/she hates his/her mother and is nasty to her.
  3. He/she wants your undivided attention.
  4. He/she must always be in charge.
  5. He/she always has to win.
  6. He/she breaks promises all the time.
  7. He/she can’t take criticism and always justifies his/her actions.
  8. He/she blames someone else for anything that goes wrong.
  9. He/she’s jealous of your close friends, family members, and all other men/women.
  10. He/she always asks you where you went and whom you saw.
  11. He/she has extreme highs and lows that are unpredictable.
  12. He/she has a mean temper.
  13. He/she often says you don’t know what you’re talking about.
  14. He/she makes you feel like you’re not good enough.
  15. He/she withdraws his/her love or approval as punishment.
  16. He/she pushes you to do things that make you feel uneasy, like taking the day off from work or even breaking the law.
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4 thoughts on “Are you being Abused?

    1. My feelings have continually evolved on the pants to church thing. I thought it was a no big deal sort of thing at first since women are free to wear whatever they want to church. And then I started reading the comments on the Facebook event page and the incredible amount of hatred and vitriol that came from supposed “righteous” Mormons who for whatever reason are very threatened by the idea of a woman showing up to church in pants, made me very sad and ashamed to be affiliated in any way with those people. Last week I was defending the LDS church against someone who insisted to me that Mormons aren’t Christians and now after seeing the behavior of some of it’s members, I’d have to agree that a lot of Mormons aren’t Christians. I mean, the women who started this innocuous event had death threats. Death threats! Over pants! I mean, c’mon. I’ve never seen such holier than thou, self-righteous, Pharisee-like behavior in my life. Church is supposed to be a hospital for sinners not a museum for Saints. I highly doubt that the Jesus I know and worship would ever turn anyone away at the door because of the way they are dressed. The bishop in my last ward told us that if we didn’t smell cigarette smoke in Sacrament meeting we weren’t doing our jobs as Christians to fellowship our neighbors and make sure they knew all were welcome to come and join us as brothers and sisters in the Gospel. The Lord looketh upon the hearts of men, not their appearance. Apparently a lot of people believe that dressing a certain way is going to somehow buy them a golden ticket to the celestial kingdom, completely forgetting about coming to Christ with a contrite heart and broken spirit and that we are also saved by grace.

      Sorry, if that wasn’t coherent or rambling. I’ve gotten hardly any sleep in the last 48 hours. And yes, I’m on facebook. Feel free to friend me there 🙂

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