Moms

Moms. We all have one. I mean, every single one of us grew inside of a woman until she gave birth to us. Whether that woman raised you or not, it doesn’t change the fact that giving you life makes her your mother. Whether that woman is still in your life, or you have a difficult relationship with her, or she has died, or she abandoned you, or you were given to another woman to raise…we all have a Mom.

The past six months I’ve been thinking about my own Mom a lot. I’ve been doing the grief cycle all over again since the birth of my baby. There’s something about giving birth to a new life, nurturing and caring for that new life, that makes you think about the woman who did that for you. I wonder how my Mom would react to this new little one. She delighted in being a grandma. She would come over after a stressful day at work and rock and hold my babies and call it her “baby therapy.” I wish she were sitting on my couch right now making goo goo faces at my little girl and kissing on her and bonding with her.

I had a great Mom. No, she wasn’t perfect. She made mistakes. She probably could have used some therapy to help her deal with some of her past issues. But I can honestly say she did the best she could with the knowledge and skills she had to be the best Mom she could. She did what was in her capacity to do. I know she loved me unconditionally. She supported me in my goals. She was happy for my happiness. She loved my husband and children. And I would sell everything I own to have her back in my life. (That is the bargaining part of the grief cycle).

I took my mother for granted when she was alive. I thought she would always be there. Or at least I believed she would be here until she was elderly and then it was my turn to take care of her.  I thought I had endless chances for discussions, or to work out problems, or to heal things that were broken between us, or to tell her how much I love her and how thankful I am for all the things she’s done for me. But those chances ran out quicker than I ever thought they were.

If you had a mom who cried tears of joy when she learned you were coming into this world, you are blessed. If you had a mom who marks your day of birth as one of the happiest in her life, you are blessed. If you had a mom who had many sleepless nights because of you and would be happy to do it over again, you are blessed. If you had a mom who taught you how to read, how to ride a bike, how to cook, how to become self-sufficient in some way, you are blessed. If you had a mom who kissed your booboos when you fell off that bike or cried with you the first time you had your heart broken, you are blessed. If you had a mom who taught you through her words and example how to be kind, how to serve others, how to be considerate, to say “please” and “thank you,” and how to have good manners, you are blessed. If you had a mom who supported you through the most difficult times in your life and was always your champion, you are blessed. If you had a mom who took the time to talk with you, get to know you , spend time with you, and always concerned about your welfare, you are blessed. If you have a mom who cheered your achievements on at graduation day or the job you always wanted, you are blessed. If you have a mom who has made some mistakes but has always, always tried to be a good mother to you, you are blessed. If you have a mom who never has rejected you, you are blessed. If you have a mom who gets on her knees at night and prays for you, you are blessed. If you have a mom who would move heaven and earth to be with you, you are blessed.

If you have a mom like this above, please, for my sake, don’t take her for granted. Pick up the phone and tell how much you love her. Do it for me because I can’t. The truth is your mom could be gone tomorrow. Nothing in this life is guaranteed. The last thing you want to do is grieve your mother knowing that things were left unsaid or you have huge regrets. I lost my mother and there was nothing left unsaid between us. I have no regrets about our relationship. She died knowing that I loved her as much as any daughter could love a mother. And still sometimes the pain from losing her is so palpable my heart skips a beat and I am short of breath. I can’t even imagine how much harder it would be to grieve her if I had regrets.

Moms. We all have one. If you still have one, you’re blessed.

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2 thoughts on “Moms

  1. Hi! I ended up on your blog after reading your “FYI” parody which I thoroughly enjoyed. I started to scroll down your blog and read this post. My own mother died of brain cancer just 2 months ago and I really appreciated this. Then (I hope I don’t sound too creepy!) I clicked on your “Mom” tag and read the posts you wrote about your mother. I was amazed at how much our moms seemed to have in common, including the “punny” jokes. Thank you for your beautiful tributes to her, I am sure she loves it. It also made me smile quite a bit thinking of my own mother. 🙂 So, thank you~

    Kathryn

    1. Oh gosh, Kathryn. I’m so, so sorry about your mother. Being a motherless daughter is a not a club I like belonging to. I’m sure your mother was just as wonderful as mine. Gosh, 2 months. I barely remember those first few months after her death. Much love to you! I’m glad reading about my mom made you think about your own. Peace and love, friend.

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