Thank You, WordPress

I wanted to thank WordPress for featuring my post, FYI (if you’re a Teenage Boy)on their Freshly Pressed page. So far that post has received roughly 140,000 page views, which is unusual for these parts. Usually only my sister and a few close friends take the time to read what I write and I appreciate them. It wouldn’t have gotten that many views or “likes” without the help of WordPress and I sincerely thank them.

And I appreciate you. Yes, you. All the yous who have taken the time over the last 2 weeks to read my post. All the yous who have left a comment, whether I disagreed or not. Mostly, I’m overwhelmed by all the yous expressing how much you enjoyed my post.  I wish I had the time to personally thank everyone who left a positive comment. I read every single one I received before I published it.

I’d like to thank the Huffington Post for contacting me and asking to feature my post on their site. I couldn’t keep up with all the comments as they are currently at over 1,000. And personally, I care more about the people who took the time to come over here and leave a comment whether they read it on the HuffPo first or not. I’m also grateful that the people at the HuffPo think anything I have to say is worth putting on their website, since they gave me a blogger profile and have encouraged me to keep submitting articles to them.

I’m thankful for all the attention this little blog has received and I hope it open ups a further conversation about how we talk to our children. And I definitely hope it starts a conversation on slut-shaming and how it’s not cool to blame women/girls for the sexual thoughts and/or actions of men/boys. It’s something I feel passionately about.

On Wednesday, September 4th, I read Mrs. Hall’s original post as it was posted all over my Facebook wall by friends who had both positive and negative reactions. As I often do, when I see a blatantly sexist article such as the OP, I took the same piece and switched the genders around. I do this to point out that if it is ridiculous to say to one gender, it’s equally ridiculous to say to the other. This isn’t the first time I’ve done this. I wrote this up, giggled a little for my silliness (and the silliness of the OP), and posted it on Facebook for just a few like-minded friends to see. Again, I thought only my sister and a few close friends would read it. I did not anticipate it being passed all over Facebook. By the end of the day the page received 13,500 views and I was extremely overwhelmed. The next day it had been seen 85,000 times and HuffPo sent me an email saying they wanted it publish it the next day. Blown away.

I’ve really enjoyed the conversations I had with a few of you as we have gotten to flesh this topic out further. I’m especially proud of my follow-up piece, How I Really Feeland I will freely admit I spent a lot more thought and time and energy composing that than I ever did when I was just parodying the original FYI piece.

Consider this post a big thank you note to all of you. I wouldn’t be writing this if you all hadn’t taken the time to read.

(Edited to correct typos).

Momaquery on Criticism vs. Cruelty

I really liked this article on Momastery. It discusses the differences between a blog comment that is constructive criticism versus being cruel. This is the reason I do not publish personal attacks. A personal attack is not a criticism.

This is my favorite part:

But I am worried about the next generation of truth-telling sisters who see all the internet cruelty and wonder if truth telling is worth the risk. Anne Lamott once said that the great thing about being a writer is that “they can’t boo you right away.” This was important to her because writers have to make themselves so incredibly vulnerable.  It seems crucial to have a buffer between the writer’s offering to the world and the world’s response to that offering. But it’s different now. In the internet generation, our writers are getting booed right away and that changes some things. It really does. Writers tend to be sensitive souls and many of us can’t withstand the barrage of negativity and anonymous pot shots and judgement. So some of us decide to stay quiet. And in turn, the rest of us miss out on hearing some really important, precious, life-giving voices. I know this for a fact, because I know many writers who’ve decided to lay low, to stay out of the internet fray by keeping their writing private. I know brilliant women from whom you need to hear but they can’t stand the idea of laying themselves and their families on the internet chopping block. And I get it.

You can read the rest of the article on the link I posted. Thank you to my sister for pointing it out.

Why I AM a Feminist, part 2

Almost 3 years ago (March 2010) I read a post by the infamous Mormon Mommy blogger, cJane Kendrick, about why she is not a feminist.  It inspired to me write my own post about why I do identify as a feminist, but it took me 15 months to write.  On Monday cJane published a post about why she now realizes that she is a feminist and why she claims that title.  She cites growing up believing boys were better than girls, her abusive first marriage, and working out an egalitarian marriage with her current spouse that has helped her evolve her views in her life.

How I came to feminism was much, much different than cJane’s.  I didn’t grow up believing boys were better than girls.  In fact, both my parents strove hard to teach me that boys are not better than girls, girls are not better than boys, and that girls were every bit as capable and smart as boys are.  My mom worked for the federal government in Washington D.C. for 10 years and was the first woman to go against dress code and wear a pantsuit to work.  My dad was raised by a strong, hard-working woman and has three very smart and capable sisters and has always shown that he believes in equality of the sexes (and by equality I mean of equal worth).  Because of my parents, I was raised to believe that I could be and do anything I wanted.  The truly shocking thing for me was going out into the world (you know, the cold harsh world of elementary school) and having people treat me like I wasn’t as smart, capable, and strong as the boys because I was a girl.  And this has pretty much continued whenever I have left the safety of home and family my entire life.  Like the boy who laughed at me at church because I said my dad was at home doing laundry, (“boys don’t do laundry, you idiot!  That’s a girl’s job”), or my Geometry teacher who on the first day of  my sophomore year explained to the class that us girls should expect a lower grade than the boys because girls’ brains just can’t compute Math the way that boys’ do, or when I was expected to do the dishes in my cooking class because I was the resident keeper of that magical vagina that makes dish washing possible, or when I got into the adult world and found out people’s expectations of me were based on my gender and not on my capabilities or interests.

Feminism to me has always been about choice.  In cJane’s article she talks about the growing pains she and her husband went through when figuring out parenting responsibilities and that ultimately they have a system now that works for both of them and respects and honors each other’s life paths.  That is great for her and shouldn’t we all be allowed to decide what is best for us and our families without some 3rd party trying to enforce gender roles or what they think the “ideal” is on us?  Shouldn’t my husband and I get to decide together that both of our educations and careers are important to us and work together to support each other in pursuing those things?  While co-parenting, while sharing household responsibilities, while being partners to each other?  Why should my life fit into some box because someone else said so?  And if someone wants to pursue a more traditional path, shouldn’t they be allowed to do that without judgment?

In my last post about why I’m a feminist, I listed some reasons why (and I apologize because switching to WordPress from Blogger made it so it did not format the same and it’s not as pleasing to the eye as before).  Here are more reasons I have accrued in the last year and a half.

  • Because a 14 year old in Pakistan named Malala Yousfzai was shot by the Taliban on October 9, 2012 for demanding to be a girl and receive an education.  
  • Because I read Half the Sky this year and it changed my life.
  • Because I care that women are being sold into sexual slavery all over the world, including my own country, like they are chattel and not real human beings with real lives, emotions, and pain.  They are treated like objects of someone else’s base pleasure and discarded and used like trash.
  • Because this past election season men like Todd Akin (R-MO), Richard Mourdock (R-IN), Roger Rivard (R – WI), Joe Walsh (R-IL), Tom Smith (R-PA), John Koster (R-WA), and Paul Ryan (R-WI), made some horrifically awful statements about rape, pregnancy, and women.  But what restores my faith in humanity are the voters who turned out in droves to tell these men to stop talking about rape and women’s bodies like we’re too stupid to understand science, fact, research, and duh, our own life experiences.
  • Because a 20 year old newly married girl with no life experience told my sister-in-law she wasn’t doing the right thing for her child by working full-time and going to school.  Because 20 year old newly married people with no children and no life experience should be considered the experts on what’s best for individual children and their families.
  • Because I’m tired of man splainers trying to tell me what I really mean, what my experiences really are, and what I should think and feel and believe and say and do.  Stop it, man splainers…it’s really old.
  • Because it really bothers me that at McDonalds my kids can’t just have “the toy” they have to say whether they want the “boy toy” or “girl toy” as if toys had genders and it is only acceptable for boys to play with one type of toy and girls another.
  • Because I should be able to leave my house and not worry about being sexually assaulted, but that’s just not a reality for women.
  • Because 11 year old girls (little girls) are being blamed for being gang raped.
  • Because I am a human being with autonomy over my own body, thoughts, feelings, experiences, knowledge and I allow all other human beings domain over their own lives as well.
  • Because I’m a child of Heavenly parents who love me and my sisters just as much as they love their sons.

So, I have to say brava to cJane.  Not because she came out as a feminist and all, because I read her blog regardless of how she self-identifies, but because she is a famous Mormon woman who has been speaking her truth a lot recently (her political leanings, her abusive first marriage) and it takes a lot of courage to speak your truth and let people say what they will about it. It’s not easy to have a big platform that reaches an audience of hundreds of thousands and invite them all to judge you.

What’s up with "Being Nice vs. Being Kind"?

I wrote this post about the difference between being nice versus being kind back in January.  It was something that had been on my mind for months, actually years, about the colossal difference between those two synonyms.  It must have really resonated with people because every time I check my stats that particular post has more and more page views.  It is my second most viewed post with almost 500 hits.  That’s huge for my tiny little blog.  So I’m suffering a total mind loss over where it is being shared.  Unfortunately blogger isn’t that great with letting you know where exactly page views are coming from.  So, if you have shared this post, linked to this post, will you let me know?  I’d just like to know what the larger reaction to it is.

I’ve changed

The first rule of blogging is that you don’t talk about blogging. But I have to…

In the almost 4 years I’ve been writing this blog, this is the second time I’ve had to change the address. I did it the first time to stop a lot of the harassment and trolling comments I got. Then I disallowed anonymous comments and that seemed to work for a while. So in an effort to cut down on any drama and to protect myself, I’ve changed it again.

And I’d like to respectfully ask that if anything I do or say offends you, to speak to me directly about it. I promise I’m really easy to talk to and I’m not afraid of criticism or feedback. Thank you.

Unintended blogging vacation…

I took a very unintended blogging vacation. It started when the hubs went out of town on yet another business trip and I went into survival mode. That means I do the bare minimum to keep the house running, go to work, and the kids dressed/fed/clean. I don’t know how on earth single parents do it. For real.

Then I went on a totally unintended vacation. The hubs spent a large part of his childhood in Kent, Washington and I have heard him wax nostalgic about the Seattle area the entire time I’ve known him. I’ve always wanted to go up there with him to see what it’s like, and I had the unexpected opportunity last week.
Trying to get out of vacation mode is hard. My brain and body is still trying to adjust. Hopefully I will be able to get back to my regularly scheduled programming around here. As if I had a real schedule.
Also, it was my birthday last week. I didn’t expect turning 33 to be as hard as it was. Only because my parents were both 33 when they had me and I would always telling my Mom growing up that when I was 33, she would be 66, and I would be exactly half her age. Well, I made it to 33, but she didn’t get to make it to 66. So my birthday made me miss her more deeply than I usually do.
Okay, enough of this sad stuff. Blogging vacation is over. I think. We’ll see how I feel tomorrow 😉

Most popular blog post ever

I never thought when I wrote about finding a swimming suit and how frustrating that could be, that it would be my most popular blog post and have the most comments. I had a great convo in the comments section if you want to read that. Since this post has been so popular, I’ve decided that some time in the future I’ll have to blog about the trauma of finding a correct fitting bra.

I know the first rule of blogging is that you don’t talk about blogging, BUUUUTT, I am a bit flabbergasted at how many page views that this post has gotten. Since I posted it, it has 155 page views (as of 7/16/11). By contrast, my next most popular blog post, Monetize (in which I announced I had become a sell out and was putting ads on my blog), has only 76 page views.
Recently two of my blogging friends called out their stalkers and asked them to introduce themselves. If you’ve been stalking my blog as of late (or since it’s inception), it’s okay and I’d like to get to know you. Even if you hate my guts, think I’m a big jerk (because I know I can be…also I’m a bit too impulsive for my own personal comfort (it’s the ADD)), or think I’m a dork, it’s okay. REVEAL YOURSELF!
It might help to know that I’m just a big nerd who used to stick rulers down the back of my shirt in 2nd grade and pull them out and yell, “I AM SHE-RA!” I can also recite “The Princess Bride” verbatim from the beginning to the end of the movie. I once walked out of the bathroom at work with my skirt tucked up entirely into my pantyhose. That’s the kind of goof you’re dealing with here, folks.